So. I think I have learned something about my muse.
To my watchers who don't read Maelstrom, (my TF fanfic) an awful lot of the story involves human trafficking and child abuse. It has been my outlet throughout my teaching career. I decided not to go to vet school as a teen because I held on too much to the anger I felt when I felt people did wrong by their animals. You can see how naive I was thinking working with kids would be better.
When I taught in Cleveland we came across a lot of very obvious crap and let's just say not every situation was resolved to my satisfaction. Let's just say the fact that certain people are still breathing is not to my satisfaction. Maelstrom helped me deal. Maelstrom helped me stay out of jail.
It's been a while since I've been able to write and I've had lots of excuses. I fell and broke my back, I wasn't sleeping, my mom died, etc. etc.
Yeah. Nothing's changed on that front. So why am I suddenly writing again?
You know what I am starting to think my problem is? I'm happy. I love my job. I love my life. Compared to a blissful marriage and a job that makes me feel like I'm actually doing some good what's a broken back and some sleepless nights? I've had a good long stretch where I haven't had an immediate source of rage to fuel my muse. I'm not saying things don't happen to kids at my current school, but none have been so egregious that even the art teacher was forced to notice.
Until this year. One kid. One tiny little 5 year old with a heart full of rage and adult knowledge no kid should have before puberty. Yes we're doing what we can for him. No I'm not dealing with it well .
But I am writing again.
Is this what it takes for me to be productive? I think I'd rather be blocked if this is what it takes. Am I alone in this? Is there anyone else who seems to need crap to fuel their creativity?
Listening to: Drogo messing with stuff he shouldn't
Reading: My own work...trying to spark my muse